Rare Fire Rainbows: It looks like a rainbow on fire but these circumhorizontal arcs aren’t rainbows. They are caused by light passing through high-altitude cirrus clouds. The sun has to hit the clouds at precisely 58 degrees and have just enough crystals in order to form in the sky.
“Been tryin’ hard not to get into trouble,
But I, I’ve got a war in my mind.”
I’ve seen a lot of pain in my life. I guess it’s made me a pretty complicated person. I’ve lost love because of it. Now my heart is scarred and weary and I am here just waiting.
Where do I start…I guess a little bit of a background story is necessary. I am 23 years old with 24 approaching very quickly. The majority of my early 20’s and college career were spent in a relationship. I have never done the whole dating thing and the last time I was single, I was hooking up with boys. I guess it’s a good time to mention that I am gay before I get into the details. Anyway, if I rewind to the beginning of 2012, I was in a stable long-term relationship with a girl who I thought I would be with forever. And yeah I know, everyone thinks that when they are in a relationship but I truly thought this was the real deal. There were plans about moving in together and how we would spend the rest of our lives. I was feeling extremely satisfied and excited for my future. Then BAM out of nowhere my heart gets broken. You know, broken isn’t even a strong enough word. I’d say shattered, ripped into millions of pieces and stomped on repeatedly until there is absolutely nothing left but mutilated and lifeless myocardial tissue. Needless to say, I did not even know what to do with my life anymore. I didn’t know how to live. It took three days to stop taking sleeping pills and get out of bed. With the help of my good friend citalopram, I was able to press the play button on my life again but I didn’t know where to start. The majority of my friends and life had been very connected to my ex. I felt like I needed to start over and so I did. New friends, new scene, new life. Besides graduate school, my life has been consumed by a new world that I did not know even existed, the lesbian world. Lesbian bars, clubs, parties, brunches, vacations, friends, hookups, a lot of drama, and probably around 100 new Facebook friends. Everyone knows everyone, It’s like a big pool of incest where someone is hooking up with someone else who is another girl’s ex who is another girl’s best friend. It may be a bit complicated, but it definitely helped me move on with my life. Seven months later (I can’t believe it’s been that long), I am on the search for love again. However, something just isn’t right. I like to tell myself that I am over my ex and I am ready to meet someone new and fall in love all over again. Whenever an opportunity presents itself, and I meet a girl who seems great, I feel nothing, absolutely nothing. I guess my heart is still in its dead and deformed state. I don’t know. Maybe I just haven’t met the right person yet. I have experienced some random hookups and first dates here and there and I am going to keep trying. May during this purgative expression of my heart, soul and life, I will get to share the details of falling in love again. But that’s getting way too ahead of myself. Right now, I am trying to figure out who I am and what I want in life as a single lesbian in my 20’s. I won’t lie, I consider myself to be a somewhat unstable so be prepared.
